Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
plans
monday we had a clinic 7am-1am, tuesday we got a semi container full of medicine and medical equipment that we had to unload well into the night, and wednesday we had another clinic from 7am-11pm.
exhaustion. and i love it.
i've become a pro at drawing blood.
and one thing that continues to take my breath away on a nightly basis is an african sunset.
i taught a group of about 100 kids how to high five yesterday :)
sometimes it's hard cause i feel like i'm such a small person and this country is in need of such a HUGE amount of help. i wonder what good just me can do but i heard a guy say something really, really cool on monday. he said "you know, i was reading my bible just like any other day and i stopped and it came to me. Jesus didn't stop to heal a crowd, he didn't stop to heal thousands. He stopped to heal one. One person was important enough for Him to make a difference in." and it's true. i'm not called to heal Swaziland, i'm called to be a light to every person i come in contact with...which...may be few...but they're worth it. they're important enough for me to be Jesus to.
so if God has taught me anything while i've been away it's that my plans are not always His.
plans are never solid, especially when you are in a third world country and everything is semi-up in the air. it's not something i'm going to write all about on a blog, because i don't see it being necessary. but God and I have decided that it's going to be in my best interest to head home at the end of august. probably the hardest decision i've ever had to make but definitely for the best. i have confidence that i'm here for this time for a reason and every day is still a day that...at the end of it...i have to sit back and say to myself....wow. because i serve an unbelievable God with PLANS that absolutely blow me away.
saturday is the 100 year celebration of the nazarene church being in swaziland. the king of swaziland is coming to the celebration, my goal is to get a pic with 'em. i may get tackled and/or shot but hey....it's worth it right? :) kidding.
exhaustion. and i love it.
i've become a pro at drawing blood.
and one thing that continues to take my breath away on a nightly basis is an african sunset.
i taught a group of about 100 kids how to high five yesterday :)
sometimes it's hard cause i feel like i'm such a small person and this country is in need of such a HUGE amount of help. i wonder what good just me can do but i heard a guy say something really, really cool on monday. he said "you know, i was reading my bible just like any other day and i stopped and it came to me. Jesus didn't stop to heal a crowd, he didn't stop to heal thousands. He stopped to heal one. One person was important enough for Him to make a difference in." and it's true. i'm not called to heal Swaziland, i'm called to be a light to every person i come in contact with...which...may be few...but they're worth it. they're important enough for me to be Jesus to.
so if God has taught me anything while i've been away it's that my plans are not always His.
plans are never solid, especially when you are in a third world country and everything is semi-up in the air. it's not something i'm going to write all about on a blog, because i don't see it being necessary. but God and I have decided that it's going to be in my best interest to head home at the end of august. probably the hardest decision i've ever had to make but definitely for the best. i have confidence that i'm here for this time for a reason and every day is still a day that...at the end of it...i have to sit back and say to myself....wow. because i serve an unbelievable God with PLANS that absolutely blow me away.
saturday is the 100 year celebration of the nazarene church being in swaziland. the king of swaziland is coming to the celebration, my goal is to get a pic with 'em. i may get tackled and/or shot but hey....it's worth it right? :) kidding.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
sickly
woke up a couple of days ago with a sore throat and a runny nose. it really didn't worry me at all and i've been workin like a champ through it. but it's gotten worse and now i have horrid body aches and a constant headache.
but....if you're gonna be sick in africa it might as well be while you're working with a doctor and a pa. they're taking good care of me.
still don't know what i have but i've been in bed the last two days. continuing to feel a little worse everyday but i'm hoping and praying that it starts to get a little better soon.
you're not allowed to worry. you're just being asked to pray :)
a mood lifter...i take care of an albino patient with skin cancer everyday and today he asked another nurse if i could come change his dressing even though i was sick. so i got out of bed and came outside and he smiled really big and told me it was really nice to see me. i think he may have a crush. he made sure i would be here tomorrow and the next day, and the next day after that. i got a good laugh.
i love africa.
but....if you're gonna be sick in africa it might as well be while you're working with a doctor and a pa. they're taking good care of me.
still don't know what i have but i've been in bed the last two days. continuing to feel a little worse everyday but i'm hoping and praying that it starts to get a little better soon.
you're not allowed to worry. you're just being asked to pray :)
a mood lifter...i take care of an albino patient with skin cancer everyday and today he asked another nurse if i could come change his dressing even though i was sick. so i got out of bed and came outside and he smiled really big and told me it was really nice to see me. i think he may have a crush. he made sure i would be here tomorrow and the next day, and the next day after that. i got a good laugh.
i love africa.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
one life
it's killing me not being able to upload these pictures to show you guys. BUT...i will eventually. and they'll make you smile as big as i do.
got to start a few iv's, draw blood, change dressings, give shots and so much more. it feels so good to be trusted and asked to do things as an RN. i'm still not used to it. i caught myself asking, are you sure you want me to do that?? a couple of times...but after people looked at me weird i decided, well, either i look like i'm unsure and make these people nervous, or i take the equipment and i just GIVE IT A TRY and if i'm unsuccessful...then oh well. at least i tried. but i've been more successful here in africa than i ever have in the hospital.
i met a little girl at a clinic. all the little kids attacked me as soon as they saw that i had a camera. they all wanted their picture taken so i was trying to see if any of them spoke english so i kept saying "english? english??" and they all just laughed at me. all of a sudden this little girl comes up, tugs on my shirt and says "hello sista" and we were buds from then on. she spoke amazing english and she had a heart of gold. soon though she got mixed in with the crowd and i didn't think i'd see her again. but later that night after dinner i was walking back from the pharmacy when i feel another tug on my jacket, and sure enough, it was my sweet little friend. she goes "sister do you have any food? i am starving i have not eaten all day" and like anyone reading this...my heart sunk. i knew i didn't have enough food for everyone so i brought her into a room where my bag was and gave her all that i had. a cliff bar, a pack of peanut butter crackers and a pack of fruit snacks. she smiled so big i swear i had just given her a million dollars.
all that to say...about 2 hours later we were finishing up our hiv testing when our translater told us the last patient was outside. and when my little friend walked in i had to hold back my tears. cause she had been through once...and refused to be tested for hiv. and she had come back and agreed....and i'll never know whether or not i was the reason she came back, but just knowing there was a chance that it could be why...made me happy.
i like feeling like i make a difference.
every night when i go to sleep i think back on my day and i make sure that at least ONCE during that day...that i tried my hardest to make an impact on at least one life. and so far...i've done that. God is so good. God puts people and situations in your path that are truly meant for YOU and knowing that these people..and these situations...pop up while i am here for this short time, proves that He knows exactly what He's doing.
got to start a few iv's, draw blood, change dressings, give shots and so much more. it feels so good to be trusted and asked to do things as an RN. i'm still not used to it. i caught myself asking, are you sure you want me to do that?? a couple of times...but after people looked at me weird i decided, well, either i look like i'm unsure and make these people nervous, or i take the equipment and i just GIVE IT A TRY and if i'm unsuccessful...then oh well. at least i tried. but i've been more successful here in africa than i ever have in the hospital.
i met a little girl at a clinic. all the little kids attacked me as soon as they saw that i had a camera. they all wanted their picture taken so i was trying to see if any of them spoke english so i kept saying "english? english??" and they all just laughed at me. all of a sudden this little girl comes up, tugs on my shirt and says "hello sista" and we were buds from then on. she spoke amazing english and she had a heart of gold. soon though she got mixed in with the crowd and i didn't think i'd see her again. but later that night after dinner i was walking back from the pharmacy when i feel another tug on my jacket, and sure enough, it was my sweet little friend. she goes "sister do you have any food? i am starving i have not eaten all day" and like anyone reading this...my heart sunk. i knew i didn't have enough food for everyone so i brought her into a room where my bag was and gave her all that i had. a cliff bar, a pack of peanut butter crackers and a pack of fruit snacks. she smiled so big i swear i had just given her a million dollars.
all that to say...about 2 hours later we were finishing up our hiv testing when our translater told us the last patient was outside. and when my little friend walked in i had to hold back my tears. cause she had been through once...and refused to be tested for hiv. and she had come back and agreed....and i'll never know whether or not i was the reason she came back, but just knowing there was a chance that it could be why...made me happy.
i like feeling like i make a difference.
every night when i go to sleep i think back on my day and i make sure that at least ONCE during that day...that i tried my hardest to make an impact on at least one life. and so far...i've done that. God is so good. God puts people and situations in your path that are truly meant for YOU and knowing that these people..and these situations...pop up while i am here for this short time, proves that He knows exactly what He's doing.
Friday, July 30, 2010
it's really not giving shots, or starting iv's or taking someone's blood pressure that makes me feel like a nurse that's worthwhile. it's when a little girl runs into a rural clinic with her finger cut open crying her eyes out because thieves had broken into her home and tried to stab her and instead got her finger....and she sits down to get stitches and they don't have anesthetic, so they just begin to sew. so i walk in at the opportune time...and get to squeeze this girl's hand as tight as i can & look in her eyes while she's experiencing the worst pain. and as i'm sitting there i see all this blood and i can't help but think....does this girl have hiv? but i can't let it bother me. instead i pray a little prayer hoping God will protect me and i give this girl the little i have to offer. and that's an armpit for her to dig her head into, and hand for her to squeeze so hard i literally thought i was going to lose my circulation. and all the while this girl is so upset and in such pain...but after it's all over and the procedure is done...she looks up at me and gives me the biggest smile i've gotten since i've been here.
and that's what i call being a nurse.
only took 5 years of college education to learn how to do that :)
internet is hard to come by. i wish i could write all day.
and that's what i call being a nurse.
only took 5 years of college education to learn how to do that :)
internet is hard to come by. i wish i could write all day.
Monday, July 26, 2010
five loaves of bread & two fish
got to play with babies today. i gave away a whole bag of suckers. i took pictures of gorgeous kids with beaming smiles and the most beautiful eyes. oh swaziland. you have something to offer that no where else in the world even comes close to.
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
i also am figuring out that even though i'm not some confident RN, it's not all i have to offer. and the smallest things that are given to God turn into huge gifts that can reach anyone. i can give a sucker to a little girl and her face lights up for hours. i have more to offer than i ever imagined. i started out with five loaves and two fish and i can't WAIT to see what that grows into...
still struggling. still figuring myself out. still getting to know a new side of me that i've never even began to meet.
i love you guys. SO MUCH. i've got some pretty amazing friends.
-mer
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
i also am figuring out that even though i'm not some confident RN, it's not all i have to offer. and the smallest things that are given to God turn into huge gifts that can reach anyone. i can give a sucker to a little girl and her face lights up for hours. i have more to offer than i ever imagined. i started out with five loaves and two fish and i can't WAIT to see what that grows into...
still struggling. still figuring myself out. still getting to know a new side of me that i've never even began to meet.
i love you guys. SO MUCH. i've got some pretty amazing friends.
-mer
Saturday, July 24, 2010
honesty
i haven't written on here yet cause i figured people wouldn't want to know that i've cried myself to sleep for 2 nights. but my friend told me...people just wanna hear the truth. and they'll appreciate honesty. and well, people will pray for me which is always a good thing.
this is so much harder than i ever imagined. reality has definitely set in and i'm not in love with it quite yet.
i do love it here. all the things that remind me why i fell in love are still so evident and they're the only things keeping me sane. and it's not that i miss a boy...or i miss my family...i'm just scared out of my mind that i'm not cut out for this. two months sounded like such a SHORT amount of time 6 months ago. now it seems like an eternity.
it's getting better rather than worse. which is good.
tomorrow is church and a relaxing day, which....sounds so great except for the fact it gives me too much time to think :) it's better when im' busy. then monday get to work with the hiv aids task force and go out and see patients that are too sick to make it to the hospital. i got paired up with david rothwell (doctor from okc) and got called a colleague. that's just nuts. i'm nervous i'm not smart enough and haven't had enough experience for this! but i do really like having credentials at the end of my name. that feels pretty good.
right now seth is beat boxing on skype.
prayers are appreciated. sorry it's not an uplifting happy encouraging update. hopefully those are to come...
md
this is so much harder than i ever imagined. reality has definitely set in and i'm not in love with it quite yet.
i do love it here. all the things that remind me why i fell in love are still so evident and they're the only things keeping me sane. and it's not that i miss a boy...or i miss my family...i'm just scared out of my mind that i'm not cut out for this. two months sounded like such a SHORT amount of time 6 months ago. now it seems like an eternity.
it's getting better rather than worse. which is good.
tomorrow is church and a relaxing day, which....sounds so great except for the fact it gives me too much time to think :) it's better when im' busy. then monday get to work with the hiv aids task force and go out and see patients that are too sick to make it to the hospital. i got paired up with david rothwell (doctor from okc) and got called a colleague. that's just nuts. i'm nervous i'm not smart enough and haven't had enough experience for this! but i do really like having credentials at the end of my name. that feels pretty good.
right now seth is beat boxing on skype.
prayers are appreciated. sorry it's not an uplifting happy encouraging update. hopefully those are to come...
md
Thursday, July 22, 2010
it's july 22nd
it hasn't really hit me yet. i'm not sure it will until i'm in the airport saying bye for the last time. my stomach hurts though, really bad. the last couple have days have been filled with saying bye to all the people i love and i've discovered that i'm not a fan of saying goodbye. nope. not one bit.
i AM excited. i AM ready....i think. i'm just scared and i know it's Satan trying to get his hold on me. unknowns are looming and instead of looking at it as a threat i should be looking at it knowing that God has room to move.
i depart OKC at 11:48 am, fly to Washington and then on to South Africa. right off the plane we'll make the 4 hour drive to Swaziland.
Swaziland is 7 hours ahead of Oklahoma.
Jesus, calm my racing heart. and be with every single person i love that i'm leaving and keep them safe. and don't let anything TOO neat happen while i'm gone, let it happen when i get home :) be with everyone traveling today and help me to embrace this AMAZING opportunity i've been given. it's been 2 years in the making and it's been only by your grace that i even get to go. i don't want this to slip by, i don't want it to be gone before i have a chance to embrace it for what it is.
when it's all said and done
no one remembers
how far we have run
the only thing that matters
is how we have loved
i don't want to miss
even just a second
more of this
i love you guys. email me at meredithdiffee@gmail.com
see you september 30th
-meredith
i AM excited. i AM ready....i think. i'm just scared and i know it's Satan trying to get his hold on me. unknowns are looming and instead of looking at it as a threat i should be looking at it knowing that God has room to move.
i depart OKC at 11:48 am, fly to Washington and then on to South Africa. right off the plane we'll make the 4 hour drive to Swaziland.
Swaziland is 7 hours ahead of Oklahoma.
Jesus, calm my racing heart. and be with every single person i love that i'm leaving and keep them safe. and don't let anything TOO neat happen while i'm gone, let it happen when i get home :) be with everyone traveling today and help me to embrace this AMAZING opportunity i've been given. it's been 2 years in the making and it's been only by your grace that i even get to go. i don't want this to slip by, i don't want it to be gone before i have a chance to embrace it for what it is.
when it's all said and done
no one remembers
how far we have run
the only thing that matters
is how we have loved
i don't want to miss
even just a second
more of this
i love you guys. email me at meredithdiffee@gmail.com
see you september 30th
-meredith
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