honesty

i haven't written on here yet cause i figured people wouldn't want to know that i've cried myself to sleep for 2 nights. but my friend told me...people just wanna hear the truth. and they'll appreciate honesty. and well, people will pray for me which is always a good thing.
this is so much harder than i ever imagined. reality has definitely set in and i'm not in love with it quite yet.
i do love it here. all the things that remind me why i fell in love are still so evident and they're the only things keeping me sane. and it's not that i miss a boy...or i miss my family...i'm just scared out of my mind that i'm not cut out for this. two months sounded like such a SHORT amount of time 6 months ago. now it seems like an eternity.
it's getting better rather than worse. which is good.
tomorrow is church and a relaxing day, which....sounds so great except for the fact it gives me too much time to think :) it's better when im' busy. then monday get to work with the hiv aids task force and go out and see patients that are too sick to make it to the hospital. i got paired up with david rothwell (doctor from okc) and got called a colleague. that's just nuts. i'm nervous i'm not smart enough and haven't had enough experience for this! but i do really like having credentials at the end of my name. that feels pretty good.
right now seth is beat boxing on skype.
prayers are appreciated. sorry it's not an uplifting happy encouraging update. hopefully those are to come...

md